It’s only October 3rd but I’m calling it — this is the scariest story of Halloween month. And for this 22-year-old woman and her medical staff, probably the most terrifying thing they will encounter in their entire lives.
In a very, very ill-advised attempt at DIY birth control, a young Colombian woman placed a potato inside her vagina. After leaving it up there to get warm and weird for two entire weeks the woman starts having intense abdominal pain, and upon finally getting that shit checked out, discovered that the potato had germinated and was growing roots in her vagina. There was no human baby in there, so I guess you could say the root vegetable contraception “worked” but tbh I would have probably preferred a fetus to this potato child.
Colombia Reports claims the offending potato was removed without surgery, and the lasting effects should be psychological only. However the most shocking part of this story is that the potato contraception method was not tried on a horny 20-something whim but was actually suggested by the woman’s mother. I mean, the complete lack of knowledge about effective and safe methods of contraception is truly horrifying and sad.
According to Colombia Reports sex ed became compulsory in the region in the ’90s, but pearl-clutching parents created groups such as the “Red Families,” which — *massive side-eye* — accused teachers of encouraging homosexuality. A recent campaign by Bienestar Familiar (ICBF) stated that young (but clearly not that young) people’s general rejection of conventional contraception methods coupled with a “macho” society contributed to a high level of unwanted teenage pregnancies.
Just be glad the only thing you have to worry about is never being able to properly enjoy potatoes again.